Being bruised

I enjoy answers that are not too complicated, answers that most people can understand.  One such answer is from the question, “What makes us grow up?”  The answer is bruises.  With my own children, when they were young, any time I could allow them to suffer a little pain that might help them avoid more serious pain or injury, I monitored the event and allowed them to experience a little negative feedback.  For instance, we had a fire-place insert in our living room.  Whenever one of my children was learning to explore and became more mobile, the first thing that interested them was the fireplace.  What a spectacular display of colors and lights!  How could anything that great looking possibly be painful?  It was my task to allow them to experience the heat without suffering serious effects.  For some children this might simply involve a walk-by and the intensity of the heat would be deterrent enough.  For other children this was an invitation to something wondrous.  In this case, monitoring became more intensive, and because of the persistent nature of my children, eventually an encounter with the fireplace.  Once they managed to touch the stove and get a small burn they knew forever that the stove was dangerous and to be avoided at all cost.

Occasionally our children would wander off in a mall.  My approach was to follow them as they explored, keeping just out of sight and letting them wander about for a time.  Once they realized that they were lost and became frightened, I approached as if nothing was wrong and asked them what they were crying for.  They would reply that they could not find us.  I would explain that, that is why we wanted them to stay close so that they did not get lost.  I see parents who put their children on leases and walk them like animals!  This is because they are too busy worrying about their own problems rather than allowing the child to explore in a safe manner.

I believe today’s society has decided that no one should experience negative reinforcement.  The talking heads in our society have convinced us that good self-esteem comes from parents and teachers constantly telling the children they are doing well.  THIS IS NOT TRUE and is shown to be such by the ongoing deterioration of our society and school systems which believe everyone should get an “A.”  We are a competitive species, which is why we survived and many of our evolutionary cousins did not.  If we are in a situation that does not create a little tension we get bored!  Think about our history; we are consummate explorers.  At no time in our history were we happy with where we were.  We first left a continent, then crossed oceans, climbed every mountain, and now we are reaching for the planets.  When we do these dangerous things, people get hurt and some die.  The tremendous pain we felt as a culture when the Challenger exploded as it made its way towards space is a good example of our determination to explore the unknown.  Everyone at NASA knew there was the potential for catastrophe with every launch and prayed that it would never happen.  When it did happen, they bowed their heads and grieved for the astronauts and their families, but after a time of comprehensive investigation into the reasons for the shuttle failure, we were back at work preparing for another safer launch.  We learn so much from failure!  Failure is not a bad thing.  Sometimes we do our best work while sitting in the sites of failure.

Long time ago when I was a student, my favorite classes were the ones that challenged me.  If I decided that a class was easy and would do little to make me a better person, I lost interest.  When a class challenged me, I took it very personally and worked harder to achieve.   It is helpful to understand that I was not the best student, in any way, shape or form.  My parents were too busy trying to make a living to spend a lot of time reading to or teaching me.  I was pretty much on my own when it came to education.  Sure, they always wanted to see my report card to praise me if I did well or yell at me if I did poorly, but that was the extent of their involvement.  Somehow I learned to read well at an early age so that when I was about 10, my mother bought me a subscription to the ALL ABOUT BOOK SERIES, which sent a book about science every month. This I read over and over until the next one came.  Because of this I became somewhat knowledgeable in many areas of science.

Because of my background, I experienced much bruising as I grew up.  I learned about failing when I did not make a ball team, when my grade were low and things did not go as I wanted them to go.  In short I learned the consequences of not applying my self-sufficiently.  I became a better, stronger person because I experienced failure; no one kept me from its clutches.

So much in our world is designed to eliminate failure.  Very few of our children are allowed to fail.  To fire incompetent employees is next to impossible.  Teacher are encouraged to not fail students or to give low grades.  Swimming is discouraged unless there is a life guard.   Many activities are not allowed unless the absolute maximum safe guards have been taken.  Many of these restrictions are good for people, but there has to be a limit.  Europeans I have met are amused at our propensity to ensure our safety!  Failure is part of life.  It is what helps us find our way.  A society that has eliminated the possibility of failure is a society with its head in the sand, drifting towards a time when many will long to experience failure simply out of intolerable boredom.

Thank you world for my bruises!

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~ by streisel on December 6, 2011.