God stopped by and chatted with me the other day....

It was one of those dull, cold, overcast winter days when one would not expect much out-of-the-ordinary to happen.  I was watching the Daily Show, which I watch religiously, when suddenly, from out of nowhere, appeared a tall, dark-haired man in a robe standing in my living room.  Surprised and confused, I asked his name and how he got there.  He informed me that that was not important and then went on to tell me of his perpetual dislike of being associated with all of the crazy things we humans do to each other.  At first I considered calling 911, but something about this guy made me want to listen. So he went on, “I am not a mean God.  I do not cause people to get hit by drunk drivers, get cancer or jump off tall buildings.”  I interrupted him to asked, “So you are God?”  He looked at me in a fatherly way and continued on.  ”I try to lay low and let people find their own way through what humans refer to as ‘life’.  It really hurts my feelings when you blame me for the terrible things that happen in your world.  I can assure you that I did not cause that tsunami in Malaysia, and sure as I stand here, I had nothing to do with those crazy guys who took out your World Trade building.  Recently, some nut-ball killed a bunch of children and their teachers in a school in a place called Connecticut and I am sure someone said, ’God had his reasons.’  THERE ARE NO GOOD REASONS FOR KILLING YOUR FELLOW MAN!  I gave  you a set of rules, which the sixth one, after all the stuff about me is, THOU SHALT NOT KILL!  I tried to make it simple for you.  I am not sure where you people came up with the notion that everything that happens on your planet is somehow caused by me.  When GM makes a car, and you fall asleep at the wheel and run off the road, it is not GM’s fault.  There is nothing wrong with the vehicle other than it is not designed to know you are falling asleep.  I am much like GM in some ways; I designed your beautiful planet and set you free to guard and protect it; and I might add, you are doing a terrible job!  The other day I was checking out the Pacific Ocean and I noticed that you have filled up the entire middle with a huge floating mass of plastic.  My friends the fish are not too happy about this, not to mention all other living things who are also trying to survive.  You may have noticed that the temperature has been fluctuating a good bit in recent years and there have been some real big storms. Well, that is because you are dumping huge amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere which is a powerful greenhouse gas.  Oh yeah, and those beautiful polar ice caps that make your planet so spectacular from space, are melting as a result of your careless antics.  Well duh, that is why Venus is so hot; its atmosphere is almost all carbon dioxide.  That is the reason I gave you a big brain, so you could know this stuff.  Just in case you are not following this, I did not cause the storms Sandy or Nemo, I was actually trying to get a little R&R down in the tropics at the time.  I think if I were doing it all over again, I would have each person born with a built-in-mirror so that when he does stupid stuff and wants to know who caused it, he can look into that mirror to see the culprit.  I have even considered making a new commandment, THOU SHALT NOT BLAME GOD FOR ANYTHING!”

Quick as he appeared, he said his good-bye and disappeared into thin air.  I sat there quietly for a while wondering if it was those mushrooms I had for dinner or maybe some bad potato salad.  Either way, I think the BIG GUY has a point.  It is a shame so few will listen to him….I better make my way to the kitchen and throw away that potato salad.

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~ by streisel on February 16, 2013.