Dear Mr. Putin


You are a pathetic, puny, mean, power-hungry sociopath who has the potential of pushing the world into war.  With that said, I wish to offer my humble advice to your ‘nobleness.’  Despite the fact I am somewhat unclear why you wish to reunite former elements of the Soviet Union, I might have some advice that would help you in this quest; be nice!  Rather than sending troops and mouthing propaganda to your potential member, why not try to be gentle and understanding of the people who live there. Show them the potential benefits of being part of your country.

Now the second part of this idea:  Why not start being nice to your own citizens by creating a more understanding and caring government?  Here in America, we have numerous fast-food restaurants and their level of service ranges from crappy to incredibly good.  Take Chick Filet, for example.  When a customer walks into a Chick-Filtet he are greeted with smiles, a very clean environment  and very fast service.  If the food is not ready, it is brought to the customer.  While you are eating an employee will come around to each table and offers an additional drink at no extra charge!  Sometimes the owner will walk around to chat casually with the customers.  Now, across the street there is probably a Wendy’s, which has good food but lacks the service, the cleanliness, the extra drinks and the cordial feeling one get in Chick-Filet. So Mr. P, where would you eat?

I hope I have not lost you, Mr. P with my logic, but what I am trying to say is that you might have better results with this country-annexing-thing if you would appear to be the Chick-Filtet of countries rather than a Wendy’s.  Try being nice to your own people first!  Here in America everyone knows that the service at a Wendy’s is horrible so we try to avoid it if possible.  Do you see where I am going with this?  Maybe a little sugar might get you farther than all this vinegar you are so frequently showing others.  Its my opinion you would really prefer people to like and respect you so, this may well be is way to that end.  Good luck with that world-domination thing, and have a Merry Christmas!


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