In case you have not noticed, in the dark of evening, crazy things are going on in our fair city, Romney. Every night the big industrial lights come out, the heavy machinery begins pounding ever deeper into the earth, construction workers come out of nowhere and traffic comes to a standstill. As you drive through town the workers look at you in a suspecting way, peering into your car as if looking for something. The blinding lights are directed into your eyes, keeping you from seeing what is really going on. I have heard that large trucks carrying giant things, appear late at night when most Romneyites are nestled in their beds. Strangely enough, these things disappear by morning. I am not one who normally buys into the run of the mill conspiracy theory, but my imagination has begun to run wild with speculation about this ongoing event. For almost a year they have been working on fixing our road…right?; I am not that naive! It takes a year to cut through a mountain or build 20 miles of interstate but not to fix a two-mile road through Romney.
I believe I have determined what is really going on! I will probably have my phone tapped for revealing this along with all the other cool things the government can do to us, but I cannot keep quiet anymore! Here it goes, the truth: THEY ARE BUILDING A BALLISTIC MISSILE BASE UNDER ROMNEY! Yes, I know it is hard to believe , but what else could it be? They tell us they are working at night for our convenience…right? What better time to hide what they are doing than during the cold dark nights of West Virginia. Keep your eyes and ears open. Watch for suspicious people you have never seen before. Talk to the workers, they are probably CIA. Protect our fair city of Romney!